True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
All the doctor said was why
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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