I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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