i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
