so explain again why im purple
no
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
