So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
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