"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
