Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
