I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
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