No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize