he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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