Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
