a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize