My friends, they love my intelligence
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
