So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
