There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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