dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
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