At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
