Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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