I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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