some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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