The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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