my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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