I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Randomize
