I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian