You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.