i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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