I saw his package. It spoke to me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
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He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
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I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.