someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Dating After Heartbreak
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
These Images Prove Chrissy Teigen is the Funniest Model Alive
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.