Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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