i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
