In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
