Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
