I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
