Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
