3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
