i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
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