Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
