3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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