the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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