he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Randomize
