Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
