I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
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