I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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