I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
