As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
