i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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