if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
