How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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