In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize