His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
