he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
