I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
