i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
