I must be too annoying 4 u.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
