He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
