I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
