Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
