I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
