Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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