I got chris browned last night
Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
