I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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