READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Rumble strips road head = magical
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
