So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Screwed.edu
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
