i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think my moral compass just broke
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
