hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
