So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Randomize
