Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
