found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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