i drank out of a bidet.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
