Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize