people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I need to sanitize my soul.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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