Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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