every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
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