I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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